What Can You See on the Horizon

I am currently listening to 210 mix, which is one of the greatest collections of music ever made, and the song "Into The West" is playing (from the LOTR Return of the King soundtrack). I actually used some of the lyrics of this song as the title for this entry. What can you see on the horizon? I rarely think about the future. I'm a "live in the present" kind of guy. But lately I've been thinking about what is "on the horizon" for me. I just tweeted how unrealistic most of my expectations are. I guess I never really realized it because I got so lucky most of the time that I didn't have to. Lucky or blessed. Either way, the stark reality of real life is catching up to me. I read Galatians 2 today, and I realized that even Peter, after he was the head of the Jewish church, made mistakes. Thats probably supposed to make me feel better. It doesn't. I often worry about the mistakes on my horizon. I suppose that God can use any mistake for good (love can change the world for example... take that however you'd like). I need to get ready for bed, so I'll have to cut this short, but I just want to make clear that I know God uses our mistakes and hardships in the end, but I'm still afraid to make them... I thought an honest post would be good, I offer answers a little too often sometimes... tonight, the only thing I offer is honesty: I'm afraid to mess up. The end.

Love and Respect

I am listening to another sermon from Elevation Church entitled Visionary Love, Dream Sex, Do It When You're Old, and something he said got me thinking. The pastor, Steven Furtick, was talking about how women should be clothed in love while men should be clothed in respect. As he said that I thought to myself, "yeah, thats true, but sometimes I want to feel loved too!" Then something hit me. Why do I want love more than respect? Why am I supposed, as a man, to have respect rather than love? Surely the two are not completely separate, but why respect for the man and love for the woman? It is because of leadership. As the man I am the leader in a relationship. I am the leader spiritually, emotionally, physically, you name it I am supposed to lead. Yes, my wife is supposed to love me (no I'm not married yet, I just listen to a lotta sermons haha), but more than that she is to respect me as the moral leader of the relationship. Respect puts a responsibility on my shoulders that love does not, and that is what scares me. That is the reason I am afraid of respect and want love instead: I am afraid to lead. Although it might take a different form in other guys, I think that a lot of men I know have a fear of leading. Well, the truth is, you can't be a boyfriend or a husband if you don't know where you're going. You can't lead anyone without a destination. And if you're not confident enough to lead someone to where you're going, you aren't ready to lead a woman in a relationship. I might not be a lost cause. I might be on the road to recovery, but I have some work to do before I "put a ring on it."

Sometimes... You Just Know

Have you ever heard those phrases that go something like "you know when you're ____ when...?" I usually laugh at those and push them off, but I had a moment just a second ago when I went out to my car to get my ipod. I am listening to a podcast by Steven Furtick entitled "Visionary Love, Dream Sex, and Attraction," and maybe that had something to do with it, but I don't think so. I went out to my car, opened the door, and stepped inside. Now, it is a warm day outside and the leather seats (yes, I am 22 with leather seats... but my car has 141,000 miles so get over it) are nice and warm. With the inside of my office air conditioned, the heat seeping out of the seats and surrounding my body in the car felt fantastic and I just sat back and enjoyed the experience. I thought to myself, "this is contentment right here. It doesn't get much better than this moment. I think I'll just sit here for a minute." And as I sat there I thought of how much better this moment would be if my girlfriend was with me. And as I thought about that I thought about how good this moment would be without the car or the warmth or anything else if my girlfriend was with me. And I thought of how bad the other things around me could get and I could still feel this content if my girlfriend was with me... and thats when I realized it. You know you're in love when you are as content as you can be, but you know you'd be happier to give it all up just to be with someone else. Thats one way that I know.

So I guess I'm in love. Oops.

Stay Sweet,

D. Swartz