A Few Thoughts on Myself

Do you ever feel like you're the sweetest thing since ice cream? Or that no matter what someone else tells you, you're right? I'm sorry to say that I actually have those thoughts sometimes. Take today for example. My dad was playing tennis with me, and, since I'm not very good, he was giving me some instructions on how to serve, why my backhand goes all screwy, and other such helpful hints. Yet, even in the midst of my failures I found myself thinking... "I know how to do this, I don't need your direction, just let me get the hang of it my own way." Now, when I did give his instruction a chance, of course it worked. Maybe this isn't such a big deal in the realm of amateur tennis, but I worry that I do the same thing when it comes to the gospel or the Bible or my relationship with Jesus Christ. I feel like when I listen to a sermon I tend to tell myself, "yeah, I do that, this isn't for me." Do I let myself think I know what is best, when the truth that I am a failure doing things my way is staring me right in the face? Proverbs 14:12 AND 15:25 both say:

There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.

Word for word. Anything that the Bible takes time to say twice is something I should listen to. 15:25 says "The LORD tears down the proud man's house, but he keeps the widow's boundaries intact." Days like today make me wonder what the LORD is doing with my house. Am I tearing down the good in my life by the way I am, and am I going to reap the rewards of my pride soon enough? I hope this post is the first step to achieving widowesk *yes that is now a word meaning widow-like* humility. Pray for me, if you'd like. A man can never be too humble, and can never have too much prayer.

Stay thirsty my friends, thirsty for the truth.

Love and Respect

I am listening to another sermon from Elevation Church entitled Visionary Love, Dream Sex, Do It When You're Old, and something he said got me thinking. The pastor, Steven Furtick, was talking about how women should be clothed in love while men should be clothed in respect. As he said that I thought to myself, "yeah, thats true, but sometimes I want to feel loved too!" Then something hit me. Why do I want love more than respect? Why am I supposed, as a man, to have respect rather than love? Surely the two are not completely separate, but why respect for the man and love for the woman? It is because of leadership. As the man I am the leader in a relationship. I am the leader spiritually, emotionally, physically, you name it I am supposed to lead. Yes, my wife is supposed to love me (no I'm not married yet, I just listen to a lotta sermons haha), but more than that she is to respect me as the moral leader of the relationship. Respect puts a responsibility on my shoulders that love does not, and that is what scares me. That is the reason I am afraid of respect and want love instead: I am afraid to lead. Although it might take a different form in other guys, I think that a lot of men I know have a fear of leading. Well, the truth is, you can't be a boyfriend or a husband if you don't know where you're going. You can't lead anyone without a destination. And if you're not confident enough to lead someone to where you're going, you aren't ready to lead a woman in a relationship. I might not be a lost cause. I might be on the road to recovery, but I have some work to do before I "put a ring on it."

Sometimes... You Just Know

Have you ever heard those phrases that go something like "you know when you're ____ when...?" I usually laugh at those and push them off, but I had a moment just a second ago when I went out to my car to get my ipod. I am listening to a podcast by Steven Furtick entitled "Visionary Love, Dream Sex, and Attraction," and maybe that had something to do with it, but I don't think so. I went out to my car, opened the door, and stepped inside. Now, it is a warm day outside and the leather seats (yes, I am 22 with leather seats... but my car has 141,000 miles so get over it) are nice and warm. With the inside of my office air conditioned, the heat seeping out of the seats and surrounding my body in the car felt fantastic and I just sat back and enjoyed the experience. I thought to myself, "this is contentment right here. It doesn't get much better than this moment. I think I'll just sit here for a minute." And as I sat there I thought of how much better this moment would be if my girlfriend was with me. And as I thought about that I thought about how good this moment would be without the car or the warmth or anything else if my girlfriend was with me. And I thought of how bad the other things around me could get and I could still feel this content if my girlfriend was with me... and thats when I realized it. You know you're in love when you are as content as you can be, but you know you'd be happier to give it all up just to be with someone else. Thats one way that I know.

So I guess I'm in love. Oops.

Stay Sweet,

D. Swartz